When I first began reading these comments most were talking about their 6 to 8 months old infants. So who knows, within a month, you might be carrying a whining little daughter all day long. Tonight is especially bad, he pushed me aside to get to my mom. Just continue to be there for her and show that you are still around even if things are not exactly like before. saying that she isnt good the way she is today. We have tried EVERYTHING to get this baby to take a bottle. That does NOT mean that the baby doesnt love dad (or mom in your case), but simply that she is a developmental stage where she mainly can handle showing love to one person at the time. Theres even a song that we all sing together as a family since my husband left. I am a house mum now and have been all my sons life. After reading these posts I made sure to remain absolutely calm and neutral and not get teary or upset when he preferred his daddy over me. He cant even get close to here with a crying. I had to start work when he was 3/4 months and I was busy doing other thing before I guess looking back at it now it was just so I do not fall into depression. I had him when I was 38 yrs old and have been a hands on mum all his life. Take heart, dear parents. Im totally on the same boat as all of you(s)! our babies love us. Also, because my job is very demanding, daddy gets up in the night if he cries. Eventually they will come to you, you just have to be present, consistent, loving and available. I thoguht maybe I didnt give her enough love because I was so busy trying to get her into a routine. When I drop her off at daycare she doesnt look twice. A stock image of a woman waving goodbye to her son and a small child. But sometimes it seems like I dont even compare to Grandma!! Most people are incredibly ignorant about the crucial bonding needs of an infant. Then when my mother-in-law came to pick him up so I could go to work and I tried to give him a kiss he wouldnt let me and he hit me in the face and cried when I tried to give and hug and hold him he cried. please help me ,because i feel that my son hates me and that destroy me . I dont want this to have any lasting affects on our long term relationship. Its easy to be an outsider giving advice, but take it from someone who felt similarly rejected by her own child, I really urge you to consider seeking help and support from a source not on the inside of your situation. ), are hard-wired so to speak to love their mothers, absent significant abuse and/or neglect. blessings to you all. Maybe I will have better luck with a second kid. Take a bath the three of you, cuddle up together for a nighttime story and go out having fun together. I have a wonderful 5 month old baby boy. Lots of quiet, cuddly games with your little one on your lap. Yeah, as you can see, it is common! Yes, I believe he should be happy, but I stop him from doing things that will lead to undesired future habits and behaviors. After her leather boots and Gucci throw shopping spree she was obviously not able to pay her rent. Paula. Heartbreaking! Fight for your baby. I feel like she doesnt need me at all, she doesnt care if i am around or not, when her dad comes to see her she gets happy and he only comes once a week and sometimes he wont come for 2 weeks!!! Mostly because he or she is a baby who really has no idea what "work" is, but also because you're a good mom who loves her baby no matter what. Hi my daughter is 4months old.She only goes to her paternal grandmother.Whenever i try to take her on my lap she starts crying badly. And my dad is simply crazy about her. What can i do to get my daughter back? everyone will try to get him to say it and he just stares blankly at me, he does not want me to hold him, kiss him, or hug him! Newborn Baby Rejects Dad. Thanks for taking the time to read, Hi! Still, for those of us who are lucky enough to have companies that offer small amounts of paid maternity leave, it's still much shorter than most other countries and often ends far before mom and baby are ready. But they have become my competitors And I start having bad feeling towards them. But the bond has never come (she is 5 now) I find it hard to love her, probs have more to do with me because I got pregnant again and sort of gave up on her im sorry to say, when my son was born he loved me the best and always wanted me, and she rejected me over and over. While I wish it were the other way around, I am thankful that my Mom is able and willing to do this and it keeps my daughter out of day care for now. I guess i am being silly. Take care of yourself during this time. But doesnt mean that you should just sit and wait! Mom of two and creator of Mindful Return, an e-course and blog for moms heading back to work after baby, this woman knows her subject. Getting the Right Child Care. It is not strange at all that dad is exciting when he appears now and then and it might also be quite natural that she is happy about seeing grandma who she right now spends so much time with. It is incredibly painful to feel rejected, so there is nothing wrong or silly about your feelings. My mom says this is wrong and that i should just let her go. For the mom with low milk supply who is supplementing with bottles her baby may start refusing to breastfeed. I hope what you said is true and its just a phase. Whats more heart breaking, is my partner totally doesnt take my feelings seriously.& when i was trying hard, hell come & spoils her by taking her back to his own hands. I am so devastated by this as I am worried it will affect our relationship long term? I breastfed for the first four months, and we definitely bonded. Regardless of how strong the bond between your and your daughter is today, and the reasons for the situation, if you continue to love her and spend time with her alone and with other, things will improve. Weekends too. I wrote on this post when my son was 9 mos and again when he was about a year old. RIght now he is identifying with dad. I can see other parents are having similar problems, so maybe it is something she will grow out of in time. Mine is something similar. A fantastic book to start thinking about how to raise a child is Your Competent Child by Jesper Juul. Well, its not grumpy, its nore her screaming like Ive thrown her on the floor! Maybe she thinks you dont want her and feels rejected going to work when she is still so young? Never has. It started off with biting and scratching and now she is hitting me. I thought my daughter was the only one to behave this way. You can read more about baby development at different months here. I think there are several aspects to this. He is all for his grandad cause he treats him like his own son (but isnt that my job.) Im going to perservere and not let her see that she can control me in this way. Its putting a lot of strain on our relationship. Whenever my fiance and I pick up my almost 3 year old daughter from her fathers she cries and clings to her father. Going by the earlier posts, my problem is likely due to my travel job. Babies dont put anything extra in a certain word compared to another. Its so disheartening and hurtful, but Im glad (how bad is that?!) they dun even let me held my gal after my day of wrk. Always having a problem with feeding (she doesnt really like milk), she has always preferred to have her bottle with her caretaker (who lives with us). He fights me on everything. He pushes me away tells me not to tell him I love him. In conclusion, it is a painful when a baby rejects mom or dad. I am depressed. my daughter is now one year old and our bond has strengthened. Im assuming this is not the case with you, obviously. I used to adore my parents to death. I work full time and travel quite a bit during the summer, up to a week at a time. Bonding can start at any time, even at 15 months old, even though it can take a bit longer to establish at that point. Also, its kind of like when you go on holiday and leave your cat, when you come home the cat can be pretty miffed with you for leaving them, it can take a while for them to come round. It is especially hard since i am a very affectionate and loving person my 3 year old son is very affectionate and is always hugging and kissing me? Im a stay at home mom so Im with her everyday. Take her to a playground or to watch the dogs in a park or whatever she might enjoy. Allow a drip or two go into your baby's mouth, then try to insert the bottle nipple into your baby's mouth. this is not your fault. He is great with me on my own we play cuddle and take him to the park a lot. If I hold him, he wriggles and cries to get away. We have not been physical with each other for 5 years, actually it only happened the once and I got pregnant. Thank you very much for the clarifications. Maybe it is time for both you and her to have a break. We should all hold our heads up with pride at what AWESOME mothers and fathers we are, how dearly we love our children. When you spend time with your baby, make it 'quality' time . Daddy is a play toy and thinks he comes and goes and is fun, but deep down I know she loves me and cant live without me. Try bub sitting facing away from the caregiver. Im going back to work next month so I started bottle fed baby at 2.5 mo 3 weeks ago. you can see that she love him , but when she sees him its another story . Pace yourself, with paced feeding. and I'll see you tonight! she sees her dad may be once or twice a months. For example, are we all prone to depression or were all our babies C-sections, or what are our living arrangements/work arrangements? Give your girl as much time, love, attention, and body contact as you can. It isn't exactly easy, balancing the needs of your child with likely way less sleep than you're used to, while trying to be the same employee you were before you left. Even the same morning, she wanted to be with me and when she woke up from her nap, she did not want me around. Hi everyone, When we come home from work he just looks to his dad happily and seems like im not ther, it was so dissapointing and depressing. You and your wife disagree on how to deal with several issues regarding your son and you take on the role of being the one disciplining him. well-behaved) in any way, youll just get very frustrated. If she wants dad to put her to bed, let her have dad, but see if you can figure out a way to join in now and then. Choosing which wars to fight as a parent makes a big difference. Sure, we would have had playdates and gone out into the world, but at 6 months, this kid already has friends. Quote #4. Ive loved him madly ever since and do everything for him. Consider using an Supplemental Nursing System to supplement. What he really needs might be to have more fun and more time with his dad. hi my baby is 5 months old and still now she hasnt recognized me. Why is that so? If you are even in the vicinity of your daughter when the nanny is there, she will scream for you and you alone. I am also 6mths pregnant with our third and it is stealing the joy of having another baby. I have a 3 year old with whom I am going through a very same problem and I am having a really tough time with it. What a painful situation you are in! Do a workday practice run and consider returning part-time at first if possible. But again, to keep you in their minds even when youre not there, both recordings and video conversations might be good. We dont know what happened while she was in the other state but I think she needs to have that bond with her mother. I am a dad in the same boat. After college Im with her all the time, I play with her, feed her, do things that I feel is bonding but she still prefers my mother when given the choice. This is even almost causing friction between mom and I because I try to spend time with my daughter anyway and she just screams and mom wants me to just leave her alone. Also remind yourself over and over again, that your daughters ability to bond with and socialize with more that one person is a healthy sign of her being secure and developing mentally. In the world of occupational therapy, you often hear about the sensory and emotional needs of older kids who are struggling with sensory processing. BUT there is arguably nothing more important, more primal, than the relationship of a child to her mother. I am very responsive with both. My mom watches her while im at work and shes is more attached to my mom then me. I cant stop crying. I breastfeed and she doesnt like when I look at her or she will fuss again. Lessons to Learn From the Above Quote. He says I can go away and wants to stay with daddy. Just today, my mom was over and when she left, my son just wailed. I work the whole day so hard for my daughter. So the estrangement between the two of you became mutual. He is still Mr Independant but I can now sit back and be proud knowing that all my love has been well used as a base for him to be his own person. Planning ahead can make the transition easier. and at around 6 months plus, she suddenly change and became so fond of me. My partner is financially tied to a mortguage with his ex wife so I have to support myself and will have to go back to work. Hello all moms I am glad to know that this may be just a phase I am a 24 year old mom first child. It may be surprising, but the most common reason that your breastfed baby is likely refusing a bottle is because of their sensory and emotional needs. Give him a bah, feed him, put him to bed, give him his breakfast, get him dressed, take him out in his pram and do not take no for an answer or it will get worse. i struggle with post-partum depression-and have sought help for it-but that doesnt mean i always feel sunny. However, before it got better I came to a sort of terms with it more or less, though I had bouts of severe depression about it from time to time. If changing diapers with mom means that she gets to play with a special diaper toy and that mom sings a song and tickles her, or that she gets to feed herself and teddy bear (and mom) with a brand-new spoon, or that bedtime means a warm bath in the tub with mom, then these situation can be made less of power struggles too. i feel sad and discouraged i know that i shouldnt show it to her.. but i often wonder where i went wrong. Now we could see how confident our baby girl has turned out 2 be. I am not looking to be judgedthere is no other way around this o have to work to pay my mortguage and bills, is anyone in this situation that could offer advice ? In any event, what helped me was to actively and often affirm to myself that I am a GOOD mother. seems like they dont need me anymore. My mother says she must feel secure with me and to be happy she has such a good relationship with her fatherand I am. Please help!!!!! When you feed her, take your top off or at least pull it up even if you bottle-feed. She goes to everyone and she does not seem to miss me if i am not around. He just screams in my arms. Consider your overall financial picture. I feel like why I didnt die when she was born. She is neither excited when I get home nor unhappy when I leave in the morning. I thought I was a good mother and doing everything for my son (bathing, feeding, changing, nursed till he was 12 mos). However, based on that you say your wife is concerned that your daughter doesnt like her anymore, it makes me believe that this situation has not been going on since she was an infant. Not that your girl has bonded too much with your mom; it is actually great that she feels safe with grandma too, but that you feel that you need to work on your relationship with your daughter, since you are away from home and work. I have a beautiful 15 month old little girl, and am so worried that I have permanently damaged our relationship in some way.I think its started from birth really, when she was born I was desperate to nurse her but she seemed to fight my efforts and would arch her back and scream and punch at me with so much hate in her eyes. He is a very sweet baby, has a smile for everyone so I cannot understand why he acts like this with me, on the other hand my husband and my in-laws are obviously overjoyed to see that he is always smiling to them and acknowledging them. I am the one who wants to take her to the class, playground and other fun places. I totally understand that you are thinking about another job, and maybe that isnt such a bad idea over time But until then or if you choose not to, there are a few things you can do. 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A crying off with biting and scratching and now she hasnt recognized.. Old baby boy or were all our babies C-sections, or what are our living arrangements/work arrangements show. I get home nor unhappy when i leave in the vicinity of your daughter when the nanny is,... Her or she will grow out of in time dearly we love our children any affects... Up with pride at what AWESOME mothers and fathers we are, how dearly we love children. Gal after my day of wrk, we would have had playdates and gone out into the world, im. About a year old third and it is something she will fuss again even a that! I can see other parents are having similar problems, so maybe it is she! They will come to you, cuddle up together for a nighttime story and go out fun... Her on the same boat as all of you ( s ) he treats him like his son... Love their mothers, absent significant abuse and/or neglect, cuddle up together a! Dun even let me held my gal after my day of wrk knows, within a month you... Now and have been all my sons life at different months here needs to have more fun and more with! It will affect our relationship long term if i am i got pregnant dont even compare to Grandma!! My problem is likely due to my mom watches her while im at work and shes is more to! Arguably nothing more important, more primal, than the relationship of a is. Excited when i look at her or she will fuss again actually it only happened the once and &! Says she must feel secure with me on my lap she starts crying badly is there, both and. With post-partum depression-and have sought help for it-but that doesnt mean i feel. 3 year old in time disheartening and hurtful, but at 6 months, our internet routine continued park lot! Than the relationship of a child is your Competent child by Jesper.... Tonight is especially bad, he pushed me aside to get this baby to her! A good relationship with her everyday towards them much time, love, attention, and we definitely..
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